You wont be her first......

You arent going to be her first, her last, or her only. She's loved before, she will love again, but if she loves you now what else matters? Shes not perfect. You arent either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if she can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to her and give her the most you can. She isnt going to quote poetry, shes not thinking about you every moment, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you could break. Dont hurt her, dont change her, dont expect more than she can give. Dont analyze. Smile when she makes you happy, yell when she makes you mad, and miss her when shes not there. Love hard when there is love to be had.
I guess to some extent, you get used to being alone. You get used to not expecting phone calls & having nothing to do at night. You don’t expect to turn around to open arms any longer. The small sounds of him have been replaced by silence. Your thoughts echo through your head, with no one to share them with. All in all, being alone isn’t terrible, it just hurts like hell. There are so many things I wish I could tell you, but I can't. I'm not sure if you would ever understand because I don't understand half of it. I want to be with you so bad, but I'm so afraid of getting hurt and because of that, I end up getting hurt more. I can sit here and say that I don't care about you and that I'm not going to let you hurt me, and just by saying that I know that you can and have. It’s not your fault, it never is. It’s me.
    I’m sorry I’m not what you expected.I’m sorry I’m sometimes shy. And sometimes I don’t look good.I’m sorry sometimes I don’t make sense. And for all the times I’ve spoke my mind.I’m sorry sometimes I’m stupidAnd my mind has left me.I’m sorry that I can’t always live up to your expectations,Or be nice.I’m sorry I can’t be a better person.I’m sorry for what I sayAnd think.I’m sorry for everything I amAnd will become.I’m sorry that you can’t accept me.I’m sorry I’m only human.I can't take it anymore. Everyone thinks I'm indestructible, the girl who never flinches, the girl who always has a smile on her face, the girl who's gone through nothing, the girl who has no scars and I'm tired of it. I don't want to live behind a wall of laughter and smiles anymore. I want people to understand me, I want people to understand how hard it is to be me and to have to deal with all of this shit and still be expected to be happy. It's not fair. Why can everyone else just fall apart but I have to keep it together?I've learned that stuff happens, people change, and it doesnt mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. it simply means that you move on and treasure the memories, letting go doesnt mean giving up, its just accepting the fact that some things werent meant to be..